Say yes to opportunities, even if you are scared - you will be amazed by what you can achieve.
My first tournament, the 2018 River Valley Riot was a wonderful growth opportunity for me. In my last post, I wrote about the first game of that tournament and of how much can be gained by making mistakes and serving a penalty. It was a valuable but tough lesson to learn, especially on as it was only the second jam I had ever skated in during a bout. The next bout against the Black and Bluegrass Roller Derby was a new game and I was ready to continue to hone my blocking skills. My career Jam 3 and 4 went surprisingly simply and I even managed to find a friend and help land a block on a star-passed pivot! But, the story of the fifth jam I ever skated is a story how much can be gained by saying yes to opportunities, even ones that terrify you.
As the game clock ticked down and with our team sitting on a comfortable lead, I was feeling pretty good about my performance in my third ever career bout. That is until my teammate, Jurassica, returned to the bench from jamming. She said she was exhausted and needed me to go jam for her. There were only a few minutes left in the bout so this would likely be the final jam of the game. She said simply that she knew I could do it and didn’t give me a second to say no before she tossed the jammer helmet cover (aka the panty) over to me. No sooner had I slipped on the star on than did the jam whistle sound; it was time to skate.
My memory of the moments leading up to that jam is crystal clear. As I lined up behind the jam line, time seemed to slow down. I remember that my heart felt like it was pounding out of my chest. The noise of the crowd faded away until there was nothing but the sound of my breath. My focus narrowed so that all I could see was the intimidating opposing blocker line that lay ahead of me. They looked like rock-solid giants and I … was … terrified. For a moment, everything was still.
A few shots of my first ever jam as jammer (#514, designated with a star helmet cover). Morgantown Roller Vixens vs Black and Bluegrass Roller Derby, Nov 2018 (Photo credit Ralph Zink)
My memory for the rest of the jam is hazy and fragmented. I can tell you that like most jams, this one began by erupting from stillness into chaos in a second. Out of the corner of my eye, I only vaguely recall seeing the other jammer skate passed me but I quickly lost sight of her as I slammed into opposing team’s line and was stopped dead in my tracks. I honestly have no idea how I managed to break free of the pack. Most skilled jammers make it look easy, gracefully twisting and turning through even the smallest holes. I am pretty sure whatever I did, it was closer to controlled falling than actual skating. I was genuinely surprised to somehow emerge from the pack, stumbling but no longer feeling the hits from all sides and instead seeing the open track laid out in front of me.
Just then, I heard two short whistles and when I looked over, I saw a referee to my left. I distinctly remember thinking “Oh s***, I am getting another penalty”. My heart sank as I waited to hear what sin I had committed. But he said nothing. I stared back, confused. He must have read the incredulity and inexperience on my face because as we rounded the turn, he look me straight in the eyes and mouthed the words “You are lead jammer”.
From there, I began to come back to my senses. Time sped back up to normal. I could again hear my teammates shouting instructions to each other. I could smell the sweat beading on my forehead. I could feel the energy of the cheering crowd. And I could see the obstacles that laid ahead of me as I came around the track for my second pass. But I could also my teammates, guiding me around the formidable blockers who stood in my way. Ahead of me, I saw Tank, with her braids, impeding the way of an opposing blocker who was coming right for me. Somehow, I managed to follow the path she cleared for me and before I knew it, I was through the pack again.
“Though I was scared, I said yes to this incredible opportunity … and it changed the course of my journey forever.”
Though I can only describe a few bits and pieces of the rest of that jam, this continued pass after pass. As lead jammer, I could have called off the jam at any time but with my inexperience and my tunnel vision, all I was thinking about was my one job as a jammer, to just keep skating. Finally, the jam whistle blew and the game was over. I had managed to score 24 points for my team, an incredible feat for any jammer much less one doing it for the first time. As I skated back over to the bench, like something out of the movies, the entire team was standing by the line, cheering and enveloping me in a mob of hugs and high fives as I ugly cried from elation and exhaustion. My team collectively voted me the recipient of that bout’s ‘My Vixen’ MVP award and to this day, this jam remains one of the proudest moments of my life. Though I was scared of the challenge, I said yes to this incredible opportunity and I was surprised by what I was capable of. That experience changed the course of my derby journey forever, but that is another story for another time.